All or Nothing

All or Nothing, Mom and her Ice Cream, Imperfection Action

All of these are titles swirling around in my head!  It’s been a minute, two years actually, since I wrote anything on this blog.  Thoughts of having it perfect, thoughts of not pissing anyone off have bounced through my head, keeping me from writing anything over and over again.  Today I take action and write something because I want to and maybe you’ll see me popping in a bit more!  Why?  I like to write.  I like to share.  I’ve learned some things in my 56 years spinning around the sun. These are things I’d share with a sister, brother, son, or daughter.   If I can make someone feel more ‘normal’ or comfortable or relatable or better, then it’s worth the people I may piss off.  

Spinning around in my head today are the thoughts of being ‘all in’ on something versus ‘all or nothing’ thinking.  These two phrases seem to come up together but I think they are different.

Being ‘all in’ can be fantastic.  I recently completed a couple-month-long project for work that pushed me in many ways.  I was confident (well, pretty sure) I could do it but it was big and important and I was the only programmer so it was scary too.  I was driven to do it because it will make our company more efficient and profitable and our lives easier and client’s experiences better.  I was determined to work on it until it worked like we wanted it to.  Sometimes starting on this project at 5, 6, 7PM at night after a full day’s work getting all my regular tasks done and working until midnight or later.  I was ‘all in’.  

All or nothing feels very different to me.  All or nothing would be I either said I could do this project or said I couldn’t.  It feels fixed.  All or nothing would be ‘have you covered every possible scenario, even ones we haven’t thought of?’.  I tried but the reality is some things haven’t happened yet so we haven’t thought of them yet and this is a growing business.  The one thing I can guarantee is that things will evolve and change and this project will as well.  

Let’s take another example.  I am monitoring my carbohydrate intake for six months.  I started on 12/1/2024.  I am almost three months in.  (I’ll do another blog about that sometime).  I had my reasons, had never paid any attention to my carb intake before, and gave myself six months to be ‘all in’ and see what happened.  My definition of ‘all in’ was to read ingredient labels, loosely track my carb intake, generally keeping it between 50-100g per day, while still going to Christmas parties, having pizza with Mom, birthday cake, cupcakes, mac & cheese, chocolate, all the things just in a mindful, decision type of way.  Notice the terms loosely and generally.  I am ‘all in’ but fully aware that life isn’t stopping for my experiment.  Aware that I would be happier long term if I had some balance between monitoring carbs and continuing to enjoy the things that I enjoy.

I think as a society we are pushed into all or nothing thinking.  We’ve advanced greatly in terms of marketing.  Social media quickly shows us what others have.  Like never before, we are specifically marketed to based on our history, likes, and interests.  (this could be another blog so I’ll leave it at that…)  Back to monitoring carbs and all or nothing and what about the title Mom and her ice cream?...

Mom also started monitoring her carbs.  Let me back up.  Mom LOVES ice cream.  For as long as I have memories, she always had ice cream in the freezer and would have a bowl before bed.  Well, when Mom started monitoring her carbs, she started calling ice cream illegal.  I knew what she meant but I reminded her that it’s not illegal and to just pay attention now knowing the appx carbs in it, be mindful, and make choices when you decide to eat it.  

It isn’t all or nothing.  She had choices monitoring her carbs in relation to ice cream.  Her first choice was to not buy it anymore; not have it in the house, then she couldn’t and wouldn’t eat it.  That’s a choice but there are others that I find easier.  She could also choose to buy a smaller container when she’s at the store (when it’s gone, it’s gone until she decides to buy it again) or decide to only make homemade ice cream (slowing down how much gets eaten by having to buy the ingredients & go through making it) or she could even decide to have one scoop any night she truly wanted to have it.  If you think about it, her first choice of not buying it anymore was all or nothing thinking and what I see over and over again is that it’ll work…  until it doesn’t.  Then one feels like a failure, that they  fell off the wagon and says ‘screw it, let’s eat the whole container’…  The other choices find a way to allow some ice cream in without feeling like a failure while still being mindful and making choices that align with monitoring the carbs.

Swinging back to my project and not all or nothing thinking, we had a vision, I wrote code to bring that vision to life.  I was ‘all in’.  However, I wasn’t ‘all or nothing’.  Yes, some parts had to work for it all to work at the beginning but now we run with it, we use it, we learn what we want to change, it grows, we fix it, make improvements, I can guarantee it will change.  

What I really want to say here is start to pay attention to what you are telling yourself!  If you tell yourself that you are ‘all or nothing’, guess what?  You will be ‘all or nothing’!  

You can be ‘all in’ and not be ‘all or nothing’ at the same time!